how am i doing? very well, thank you, doctor.
that is what we are here for, isn’t it?
complaints? i got no complaints. except the usual.
you know, people, the human race.
what a bunch of - well, i won’t say it. you know what people are like.
what you don’t know is how i suffer. because that is all they talk about.
how they suffer. how tough they have it.
what about me? do you see any books, any movies, any tv shows about the things that happen to me?
why not? i’m just as good as any of them. i’m just as good as pontius pilate sentencing mandrake the magician to build a pyramid in the coal mines.
or harry s truman dropping a bomb on japan. oh, the poor man, how he must have suffered making such a decision.
what about the little match girl selling her matches in japan and getting the bomb dropped right on her.
what about her? what about me?
and what about you, doctor? do you realize that everything i say to you, everything you say to me, everything that anybody says to anybody, none of it means any more than mrs goldstein’s dog barking at the meter man?
can i ask you a personal question? it’s personal, you don’t have to answer it.
have you ever had a guy owe you money for thirty years?
that’s really something, isn’t it? thirty years. but it happened, because it happened to me.
i was twelve years old, barely grown to man’s estate. back in the old neighborhood. what did i know?
there was this guy rick, they called him rick the rhinoceros, who used to hang around, hang around mr walker’s store, mostly outside it, but if it was raining or snowing mr walker would let him hang inside, if he didn’t bother people too much.
now mr walker - he was a character. and mrs walker, too, she was even more of a character, when she was around. remind me to tell you about them some time, but that’s a story for another day.
back to my story, about me. and rick the rhinoceros.
rick was always trying to get people to lend him money. but as he was a bum with no source of income, honest or otherwise, not too many people were about to do so.
anyway, one day the gang is hanging out in front of mr walker’s store , and rick asks leo the lion to lend him a sawbuck, and to everybody’s surprise leo does not tell him to get lost, but days, sure, rick, anything for you, pal.
and leo reaches into his pocket and takes out his wallet and opens it, and he says, oh, i thought i had a sawbuck in there, i must have spent it and forgot about it.
and then leo turns to me and says, hey kid, why don’t you lend poor rick a tenner? i’ll see about it later.
and like an idiot i give rick ten dollars - a five and five ones, i will remember it to my dying day.
of course rick does not pay me back, and a couple of days later i am back in front of the store and leo the lion is there. and i remind him that he would “see about” the sawbuck.
did he pay you? leo asks me.
you said you’d see about it, i said.
yeah, i’m seeing about it now, asking you. did he pay you?
no, i say.
leo shakes his head. that’s a shame.
everybody has a good laugh, then and forever.
it becomes one of those things can always be remembered, and brought up again, when the well of laughter threatens to run dry.
hey sammy, ever get that ten back from the rhinoceros?
for example: it’s my wedding day, and i am told i can kiss my lovely bride, which i do, all right and proper, and then she looks at me and says, hey, sammy, did you ever collect that ten from rick? we could use it on the honeymoon.
and everybody has a good laugh.
and then later, i got drafted. and all i hear, before i go away to report , is -
hey sammy, ever get that ten from rick? i saw him around the other day. he couldn’t refuse a serviceman, could he?
yeah, sammy, you don’t want to go save democracy, with that hanging over you.
and so forth and so on. and it hasn’t stopped till this day.
well, doctor, i thank you for your time. you’ve been a great listener, as always. of course, that’s what i’m paying you for, isn’t it?
yes, it is a nice day. but it might rain later.
No comments:
Post a Comment